So here’s the thing.
I have just been given this incredible opportunity. To write! To write my deepest darkest, and highest brightest thoughts on a platform. Uncensored, unrestricted, unabridged. Now, maybe there’s something you don’t know about me, I have so much to say! All the time, I will just keep on saying it. Ask me a question and I will talk. It is my passion, my joy, my love! So of course YES, Let’s do this.
And then she asked – what will you do to f-ck it up?
Why would I f… oh, yea, erm.
Oh…. you know the thing I seem to value so much? My head, my brain, my understanding, my intellect, my why?
Guess what’s going to stop me? That. give me more information, saturate my brain with more information and then hey overwhelm, and stop, hide, hold my breath and mindless scroll – for inspiration’s sake – obviously.
NO LONGER MATE. This is all I have dreamed of, so why has it taken me 44 years to actually do this? Regularly, daily. I mean it’s effortless. Hang on, effortless? really?? Effortless effort perhaps, but. BUT
It does take discipline – oh… gosh. and why, Melissa, are you so afraid of discipline? Oh yea, because discipline is what happens when you don’t want to do something. When you are in trouble, and I am the master of my own destiny SO YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!
Huh? Who can’t tell me what to do, exactly? And who the hell is saying that? oh, Literally me – going back into my old programming, letting this lower self guide me. The one that thinks she can’t or she won’t. The one that stops. The one that is a rebel for rebels’ sake. The one that responds – no reacts, from a part of me that shouldn’t be in charge, but desperately wants to be. That part of me that will pop out like a bad smell when things get a bit much. When I have other things to do (Are they more important – urgent, or just… safe, old, small). When no-one is validating it. When it doesn’t seem to be ‘making me money’ or ‘strengthening my brand’. UMMM HELLLLOOOO, that isn’t the point – AT ALL< the point is expression. It always was. And here is my chance. Expression for Expression’s sake. err, duh.
So how do I not f-ck it up, not self-sabotage, not stop THIS> remember why. Remember that I express because that is actually MY need, MY desire, MY outlet. And hey, if it helps you a bit too. Then that’s OK. that’s amazing, but that’s not my WHY. It’s my because.